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Amsterdam Brown Cafés:
 Most
bars are located in the Centre and within walking distance of each other,
so you don’t have to waste precious drinking time or spend your money
on taxis.
The bars that I describe may not necessarily be better than other bars in
the city, but they will definitely give you a very clear impression of what
a classic Amsterdam “brown café” is all about.
They have survived disco, house and vicious real estate agents; they’ve
been around for a long time, some for centuries, and probably still be here
long after we’re gone.
If the walls could talk in these places they’d have tales to tell.
Amsterdammers are very, very proud people. Amsterdam is the center of the
universe and outside its borders (a subject of much debate) the world varies
from mediocre to just plain bad.
However, you’ll get totally the opposite impression if you enter into
discussion with one of this curious breed.
They moan about everything in general and particular; public transport,
local government, road works (a constant fact of in Amsterdam) and most
specifically their common enemy, the parking police.
Nothing is ever right in this city.
Now, before you start to agree about these “problems”, I would
like to give one word of advice… Don’t because if you do, it
will be pointed out that wherever you come from, the situation is far worse.
Whether this is factually correct or not, just agree, or even better, tell
him/her that it’s much worse than he/she ever imagined.
This attitude will gain you much respect and almost certainly a free beer.
Amsterdammers don’t accept authority in any form.
It has, and still does, drive Dutch governments insane.
National laws are good but don’t apply to Amsterdam.
The queen is considered equal to the local junkie.
The locals will wish the latter all kinds of nasty diseases (which he probably
already has), but at the end of the day will give him a euro to buy a cup
of coffee.
It’s a classless society and whether you are a captain of industry
or a bricklayer, nobody cares.
One prominent aspect of the Amsterdammer is their famous, or should be infamous,
sense of humour.
They take the piss out of everybody and everything.
They’d razor sharp and very quick.
If you’re not used to it, the humour may appear at times brutal, if
not downright rude, but they mean well.
Consider it a compliment if you become the butt of their jokes; it means
they like you, if they didn’t, you would be ignored.
Amsterdammers are open-minded, talkative and very internationally orientated.
You should have no difficulty making contact with them and sharing a beer.
In Amsterdam the barman is king, not the customer, never ever treat him
as a servant as this will lead to immediate hearing impairment, or worse,
you will be asked to leave the premises.
So, when trying to order NEVER click your fingers, bang your glass on the
bar, wave your money in the air or whistle.
Don’t be surprised in Amsterdam to see the barman sharing a beer with
his regular customers.
Whilst there is great debate currently going on in government circles as
to whether bar staff should be allowed to drink while they are working,
the traditional “brown barman” will sink some five to fifteen
“kleintjes” during a shift, without it having the slightest
effect on his performance.
Although they may appear a very generous bunch when it comes to buying rounds
of drinks, Amsterdam barman are not extremely well paid and an acknowledgement
of the service they have to provided is always appreciated.
Even if you have already bought them a drink, it’s considered normal
to leave a few cents as a tip.
Amsterdam has a very open-minded attitude towards drugs, but it’s
considered extremely rude to light up a joint in a pub.
If that’s what float your boats there are plenty of coffee shops just
up the street.
It is traditional in most brown bars to run a tab; after all, you are expected
to stay for more than one drink.
The barman will write down the number of drinks you have consumed and you
will be required to pay upon leaving, not after every round.
If you are a regular in a bar you may even be allowed to leave your tab
running for several days, weeks, months or even years.
Never abuse this privilege, always pay when you say you are going to do
so, and don’t forget, it is considered extremely bad form to die without
first settling your bill.
A tip for our friends from more macho-orientated countries: woman in Amsterdam
often go to bars on their own.
This is not necessarily a sign that they want to be picked up.
If they do, they will let you know in no uncertain terms.
As opposed to many other countries, food is not commonly available in Amsterdam
pubs.
Most of the time the best you can hope for is a toasted sandwich or a few
chunks of stale cheese, neither of which are highly recommended unless you
are very drunk or extremely hungry.
The best approach is to eat before you go to the bar, and don’t forget,
beer contains all the essential vitamins and minerals that your body requires.
All these tips don’t apply in the modern/international establishments
in the city.
Pilsener Club
Situated in one the side alleys off the main shopping street, De Pilsener
Club is an oasis of calm after stampeding shopping hoards on the Kalverstraat.
Don’t start searching for the bar, because there isn’t one.
The waiter (no barman thus) will take your order at the table and then disappear
into the kitchen to prepare your drinks. Sneak a look at the beer tap; it
comes straight out of the kitchen wall.
The bar’s smoke-stained walls are covered with old paintings and photographs,
depicting days of yore, when live was simpler and more peaceful. The wooden
floor is covered with silversand, an old method of keeping the place clean.
The sand soaks up spills and cigarette ash and at the same time polishes
the wood beneath. In the corner next to the window you’ll see plaques
in remembrance of very regular locals. The waiters will explain their notoriety
to you.
The curious thing about this pub is that if you ask for the Pilsener Club,
nobody has a clue where you’re talking about. It’s much better
known as “De Engelse Reet”, literally meaning the “English
Arse”. Now, before subjects of that great empire across the Channel
become offended, “reet”(arse) is an Old Dutch word for narrow
space, while “Engelse”(English) refers to the English Church
located just around the corner.
Apart from several beers on draught and bottles, De Engelse Reet also serves
an enormous range of jenevers. The oldest one was distilled twenty years
ago and can easily match the the best Scotch malt whisky.
De Engelse Reet has been in the family Van Veen for almost a century. The
first name of all the Van Veens is Teun and the latest landlord is the fourth
generation. Nothing has changed in this pub for more than hundred years,
not even the name of the owner.
De Pilsener Club
Begijnensteeg 4
1012 PN Amsterdam
Opening hours
Mon-Thurs: 12:00-01:00
Fri-Sat: 12:00-02:00
Sun: closed.
De Dokter
This book is about traditional brown café’s of Amsterdam, but
this one goes beyond brown, it’s virtually black! Everything and I
repeat everything is coated with thick layer of dust and is completely smoke-stained.
Paintings require very careful observation just to determine what’s
on them. Take a look at the doctor’s bag hanging from the lamp above
the bar, it’s got about ten centimeters of dust on it.
De Dokter was founded in 1798, by a surgeon (hence the name) from the nearby
Binnengasthuis hospital, and quickly became the favorite haunt of the doctors
and medical students from the neighboring University of Amsterdam. The bar
has been in Dr Beem’s family ever since, and it is now the sixth generation
who runs the place.
Café de Dokter is as tiny as it is dark, with floor space of less
than 18 square meters it’s one of the smallest bars in the city. The
interior however has a Tardis-like quality, with the amount of stuff that
has been crammed into the place. Knick-knacks and real antiques vie for
space on the overflowing shelves, with some objects enough to make the most
discerning antique lover’s mouth water.
There are only four tables and a very small bar, so the place looks busy
even if there are only a few customers. The bar itself is made of solid
silver, and despite the dust that covers much of the interior, it sparkles
with a luminosity that is evidence of much dedicated polishing. Along the
edge are small nameplates, depicting the favorite spots of regular customers,
some still living, some passed on to the big doctor in the sky.
De Dokter
Rozeboomsteeg 4
1012 PR Amsterdam
Opening hours
Tues-Sat: 16:00-01:00
Sun-Mon: closed
Café Hoppe
The most famous brown café in Amsterdam and probably the whole of
Holland. There are actually two separate bars joined via an interconnecting
door, namely “zit Hoppe” (stand-Hoppe) and “sta Hoppe
(stand-Hoppe). It’s the latter you want. After opening the door you
have to fight your way through a heavy velvet curtain. This always takes
some time because the gap in the middle is never quite where you think it
should be (getting out takes even longer). But once you’ve succeeded,
you walk into the ultimate Amsterdam brown pub.
No music, sand on the floor, old paintings and photographs, just a few seats
(completely worn out) and everything in an intense shade of brown, caused
by centuries of smoking in times when pubs weren’t forced to install
expensive and noisy ventilation systems. The waiters are dressed in stylish
black and white. There used to be a time when Hoppe was considered the academy
of the traditional Amsterdam barkeeper.
Hoppe’s customers are people from everywhere in Amsterdam and from
every “class “of society. In the afternoon the place is quiet
but around five the office folk come running in and the place is packed.
In the summer (especially on Friday) you’ll see huge crowds standing
outside the pub on the street drinking their beers. To those who are loyal
to Hoppe, the café returns the favour –after 50 years of regular
attendance, the drinker in question receives his own engraved tankard, stored
in a special cabinet. On the precise day of this remarkable achievement
he can drink entirely for free and on each subsequent visit, the first drink
is also complimentary, no matter how frequent his visits. Customers with
a mere 40 years’ attendance receive a small bottle of jenever each
year to mark the occasion. It is as yet unclear who actually records the
number of years that have passed; or exactly how many of the “50 plussers”
are still painting the town red on a regular basis.
Café Hoppe
Spui 18-20
1012 XA Amsterdam
Opening hours
Sun-Thurs: 08:00-01:00
Fri-Sat 08:00-02:00
Café De Zwart
Another very famous Amsterdam pub, neighbour of the equally well-known Café
HOPPE.
In days gone by it was not considered the done thing to have a drink in
De Zwart if you were a regular of Hoppe, and visa versa.
In comparison to the classic brown interior of Hoppe, Café Zwart
is surpringly light ( despite its name meaning black in Dutch ). Big windows
on two sides provide a panorama on the hectic world outside, and in the
summer it’s even better, with the terrace looking out across the cobbles
of the Spui Square, towards the secret walled garden of the Begijnehof.
Instead of traditional wood, Café Zwart has a beautiful, coloured
mosaic tile floor which, so the story goes, hides a macabre secret. For
years rumours have abounded that beneath the tiles a body is buried. When
repairs were carried out a few years ago, no corpse was discovered, but
the story persists. Whether it’s true or not, it certainly gives a
whole new meaning to the saying, dancing on somebody’s grave.
Although not really a large bar, the big windows and the lightly carved
wooden art deco features give Café Zwart an open, airy feel. Notice
the writing depicted on the step under the bar, Nederland is Mederland,
“old advertising for a jenever brand that no longer exists.
A large number of famous, and not famous, Dutch writers frequent Café
Zwart where, fuelled by alcohol, they start heated debates about the quality
of each other’s novels. Add to the cocktail a journalist who’s
just written a critical review, and you’re in for some interesting
conversations.
Café Zwart
Spuistraat 334
1012 VX Amsterdam
Opening hours
Daily from 09:00-01:00
Café Chris
This place is well up in the running for the title “oldest pub in
Amsterdam”. It dates from 1624 when it was opened to quench the thirst
of the builders working on the nearby Westertoren. The labourers came to
Café Chris to receive their wages, no doubt seeing much of their
hard-earned cash immediately disappearing into the landlord’s pocket.
A full-sized billiard table, reserved for the local team, dominates the
back of the bar. When they’re not playing it serves as a huge table
to sit around. Although many a love affair has started and ended around
the billiard table, without doubt its most poignant moment was to support
the coffin of the former landlord, in order that the regulars could pay
their last respects to him in his own place.
Café Chris is renowned for the peculiar design of the gents’
toilet. The entire flushing system is located outside the toilet, hanging
in the bar. It’s triggered by a Sharpe tug on a cord,
but takes some practice to get it right in one go. The sound of the flushing
distinguishes locals from not so regular visitors.
Chris’s location on a quiet street in the Jordaan means that it does
not attract a huge number of tourist. The regulars are a healthy mix of
young and old and everybody knows everybody else. On Thursday a group of
local students have their weekly drink, making the place packed and very
lively. The most regular regular is the dog from across the road. She walks
in every day at 3:30 sharp to get her daily piece of sausage meat. Once
she’s got what she thinks she’s entitled to, she walks out without
paying any further attention and without a word of thanks.
If the conversation starts to dry up, you’re getting bored and know
some Latin, read the inscriptions on the beams above your head. You’ll
walk out wiser than you came in, depending of course upon how much of your
hard-earned cash you’ve consumed whilst inside.
Café Chris
Bloemstraat 42
1016 LC Amsterdam
Opening hours
Mon-Thurs: 15:00-01:00
Fri-Sat: 15:00-02:00
Sun: 15:00-21:00
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